2 MINUTE GAGS

Sir

       As per our discussions held,I am mailing u  some new stuff and hoping to  get a

       Quick reply.

                                                 PUZZLE SINGH

      T==Anek shabdon ke liye ek shabd batao-wo kon sa prani hai jisme witch,bitch or

            leech ke  sabhi gunn hote hain

      pz=wife

      T== kisi aise band ka naam batao jo kewal ro-ro kar hi music deta hai

      pz=husband

      T==sansar ka sabse bada dukh jo ghar mein sabse badi khushi ban kar aata hai

      pz== marriage

      T== durr fitte moonh

      pz==yes mam[he takes his mouth maximum away]

      T== sansar ki sabse bhyankar sirdard ki bimari

      pz==mygrain

      T==sansar ki sabse purani cheez jo aaj tak istemaal nahin hui

      pz==mybrain

                                    0000000000000

      T==puzzle putr husband or wife mein kyya kyya antar or samaantayen hotti hain

      pz==husband ke pas ek hi hota hai or wife ke paas do-do...

      T== kya bak raha hai idiot

      pz==deemaag teacher deemag-aapne suna nahin aadmi ka to uske sir mein hota hai

             jabki orat ka deemaag ya to ghutnon mein hota hai ya fir gitton[ankles] mein

      T== achha!Aage

      pz==Dono ke jeene ka ek hi sahara hota hai-Belan-Husband khaa-khaa ke jeeta hai

              or wife maar-maar ke

      T==Kyon apne ghar ki kahaani suna raha hai idiot

      pz==mam ye to gharghar ki kahaani hai-ekta kapoor ke bhi

      T== or koi antar

      pz==dono mein teesra antar hota hai- jabaan ka- husband ki jabaan kabhi khulti nahin

              kyonki  bol jo nahin paata bechara or wife ki jabaan kabhi rukti nahin-har dam

              kainchi ki tarah jo chalti hai

                                    00000000000000

       T==Puzzle bete char aise intelligent logon ke naam batao jinme se ek bolta ho, doosra

             sirf daant dikhaata ho or baaki do kisi ko najar na aate hon.

       pz==puzzle singh,sardar surinder or santa singh and banta singh  

       T== Jaa paan le aa-isko english  mein translate karo

       pz== pehle aap hindi mein to theek se translate karo-japan bhala koi la sakta hai-wo

               to tokiyo  mein hain na

        T==offoh! kya karoon main iska

       pz==mam kuch bhi karna-bas mera achaar mat daalna

        T== and by the way,tokiyo japan mein hai,japan tokiyo mein nahin

       pz== hoga-who cares

        T== or maine tumse khane waale paan ke baare mein poocha tha

       pz==Poocha hoga-who cares

       T== durr fitte moonh

       pz==kyun fitte mun..yoon fitte moon[He takes his mouth away]

                                     00000000000000

       pz==teacherteacher aaj main aap se kuch sawaal poochun

       T==poocho

       pz==teenon ka ek hi  one word mein answer hai-de dengi

       T==kyon nahin doongi-jaroor doongi

       pz==wo kya cheej hai-jo ham nahin khayenge to mar jayenge

       T==oooon![she thinks but could not answer]

       pz==Sansar mein maa-baap se badi kya cheej hai

       T== kya baat hai aaj to bade oonche oonche sawaal pooch raha hai-mam ki class le

             raha hai

       pz==teacher aaj na thoda deemag ko use karne ka dil kar raha tha so...kiya kiya

               [piyapiya..song tune]

       T==ooon![she thinks again but failed]

       pz== pyaar se badi kya cheej hai

       T== oooon![she thinks again but this time also failed]

       T==by the way, kya answer hai in sawalon ka

       pz==nothing

       T==hoon ...to tumhaare pass bhi jawaab nahin...bas bol gai tain

       pz==mammam yahi to jawab hai

       T==hain!!!

                                       00000000000000 

                                       Mere pati girpade

       w==suno papa ka na phone aaya tha wo shaam ki flight se yahan aa rahe hain

       h==achha! patangein bechne wale ab patangon se fly bhi karne lage

       w==dekho dekho-I warn u khabardaar-jo papa ke against kuch bhi bola to-wo patangein

              bechte nahin banaate hain-we r the makers-the 'kites' maker.

       h==jaanta hoon jaanta hoon-usse pehle wo fatti patangon ko chepiyan lagakar ek

             rupaye ki char..ek ki chaar...[he speaks like a hawker] kiya karte the

       w==now enough is enough-aakhir tum papa se itna chidte kyun ho

       h==yaad hai tumhe wo mangal ki raat-jis din badkiismati se hamari shadi ho rahi thi -

             kanyadaan ke samay unhone tumhaare haath ki sabse choti ungli dete kaha  tha-

             beta ab ye sirf ungli nahin, poori ungli waali hi tumhaari hai...

       w==kuch or bhi to kaha tha-tumhaare kanon mein

       h==...beta damaad na sasur ka wo gadha hota hai jo sasur ki cement ki bori saari umar

             kandhe par dho kar chalta hai-saath mein namastey karta hai or paye-lagoon bhi

       w==what! tumne mujhe cement ki bori kaha

       h==gadhi ji khud ko gadha bhi to kaha...dhenchu..dhenchu

                                      000000000000000

       h==hoon!chee! mrs girpade ye koi chai hai-ek dam ublaa paani-kitni baar kaha hai paani

             ko khoob ubaala karo

       w==pani to maine aaddha ghanta ubaala-tab jakar patti-cheeni daala

       h==o god!theek kaha tha pandit ne shaadi se pehle-beta tumhaare apni wife se 98 gunn

             milenge par 2 gunn na milenge...

       w==Really!tumhaare mere 98 gunn milte-kabhi bataya nahin

       h==...or  2 gunn isliye na milenge kyunki wife tumhaari na apne dimag se kabhi kuch na

             kar payegi or jab koi use samjhayega to wo apna dimag chalayegi.

       w==aain![she scrathes her head]

                                      ========

                   [wife appears in mangoes-printed suit while husband is ready to go]

      h==mrs. darling-main kaisa lag raha hoon

      w==jaise ho waise hi to lagoge na-koi aam thodi na lage hain tumme

      h==wo to aap mein lage hain-lajo ji

      w==hish..ish[she blushes]

                                   =========

      w==are haan aamon se yaad aaya-maa ne kache aam bhijwaye hain-achaar daal dena

      h==kyun na bhijwayengi-pehle tumhaare jaisa galla hua aam galle daal diya-ab kache

            aam...hey bhagwaan...main koi achaar waala hoon[jumps towards the god]

                                   =========

      w== suno main mayke jaa rahi hoon

      h==kyon-kiski terhnvi hai

      w==tumhaari

      h==to wahan kyon ja rahi ho-yahin celebrate karo na

      w==usi ke liye hi ja rahi hoon-wahan derh darjan saadiyan padi hai-pure white-wahi lene

            ja rahi hoon

      h==acha papa ne is baar saadiyon ka naya showroom khola kya -widwaon ke liye-

           aakhir wo bhi to duniya chodne waale hain...thodi mummy ji ke liye bhi chod aana

      w==hmmmm...[she jumps like a preying cat]

                           ============

      h== jee to karta hai tumhaare totte-totte kar doon-ye daal banai hai -isme daal kahan hai

      w==darling kya ho gaya hai aapko-shaadi se pehle to karte the..Hai mera totta..mera totta

             or ab apne is totte ke chottechottechottechotte totte karna chahte ho

      h==are shaadi se pehle to main gaana bhi gaata tha..totta meri totta...main to tera ho

            gaya[song;tota mere tota main to teri ho gayi]

      w==to ab cassette ki B side badlo na- dil totte totte ho gaya...

       [husband pulls his hair]

                              ============

       w==suno koi serious joke sunao na-sunao na

       h==tumhe yaad hai wo mangal ki raat

       w== hoon ye koi joke hai

       h==pagli isse serious koi joke nahin ho sakta or tumse dangerous koi jonk[leech] nahin

             ho sakti

       w==ab bas bhi karo na-ek mangal ko shaadi hui thi par tum  har mangal ke peeche

              haath dho ke pad gaye ho...pata hai char mangal to gali mein hi rehte hain

       h==tum nahin samjhogi-shaadi ham sab husbandon ki wo dukhdayi yatra hoti hai jo

           shuru to suhaagraat se hoti hai par khatam jakar shamshaan ghaat  par hi hoti hai

       w==thank god-ab pahunche na manjil par-the final destination

                             =============

       w==suno kya sach mein har aadmi apni wife se itna dukhi hota hai-jitne ki tum

       h==nahin nahin kuch husbands kaafi khush bhi hote hain

       w==really

       h==mera ek friend hai-shaadi ke saat din baad uski biwi swarg sidhaar gayi-bechaara

             swarg ke dwar tak use chod kar aaya-or baahar se kundi bhi laga kar aaya ki             

             kahin lott hi na aaye- swargwasini-or tabla master hussain saheb ko to tum jaanti

             hi ho -teen teen shadiyan ki unhone-aaj behad sukhi hain-ek ek bache ko teen teen

             maayen mil gayi-or ek ek table ko teen teen ablayen

      w==isme unka kya fayda hua

      h== are sawa darjan saaliyan mili hain dahej mein-chothi biwi unhi mein se hi dhoond

             rahe hain

      w==hoon.. fir to bahut jald chotha hi hoga tumhaare is hussain saab ka

                           ==============

      h== dear raat ko mujhe sapna aaya -bhagwaan aaye or bolle bacha teen var maang

      w==achaa!fir tumne kya maanga

      h==main bola bhagwun-aap teen nahin ek hi var dijiye-par is promise ke saath ki aap use

            har haal poora karenge

      bh=ok I promise maango kya maangte ho

      h==bhagwun ap meri wife le jaiye

      bh= vats apni to main kahin chod kar aaya hoon-bola wait here main abi aata-par ab main

            nahin jaata-or tum kehte ho tumhaari le jaon-kyun le jaoon

                                      Kshamachar

       soniya ji ne jaya ji ko chai par bulaya taaki chunaav mein haar ki wajah jaan saken

              ..to pata chala ki madam ji ko voton se jyaada to jootiyan/chapplen milin hain-kyunki

                unhe inhi ka hi shonk hai

                                ==============

       popsinger shakira ne ek motte aadmi ki shaadi mein 'wakawaka...' gaane par perform kiya

              ...majboori thi bechaari ki-kyunki 'hips dont lie...' par motta aadmi galle pad gaya tha

                 ki kyon use ched rahi hai

                               ===============

       IMF chief rape karne ki koshish mein newyork mein giraftaar

              ...tabhi dukhi hain bechaare=giraftaar hain isliye nahin-balki apne failure attempt par

                               ===============

       Aaj ki baasi magar sabse taazii khabar-osama maara gaya

              ...par dhyan rahe egg,potato,banana and osama har jagah paaya jaata hai or ek jaisa

                 hi najar aata hai

                               ===============

      Padosi desh/pakistan bharat par hamle ke liye fir se poori tarah taiyaar

              ...lagta hai khud ko sansar ke maanchitra mein dekh-dekh kar tang aa gaya hai--najar

                 nahin aata na khud ko-isliye ab duniya ko physically bhi najar nahin aana maangta

                               ===============

     popsinger sylloni ne apne indian pati ki hatya ki

              ...bechari jaanti nahin thi ki ye india hai meri jaan-yahan ke pati jinda rehte hue mar-mar

     ke jeete hain or marne ke baad to isi khushi mein hi jee uthte hai ki chalo wife se jaan to chooti

                               ===============

     chirag paswan kangna ke saath 'one and only, mein intimate scene karne se sharmaye

              ...isliye unhone ek ek scene ke liye kai kai retake filmaye-taaki sharam bhi door door tak

                 na sharmaye

                               ===============

    rahul bose shefali shah se kuch kuch naaraj hain kyunki 'kuch luv jaisa' mein luv jaisa kuch na

    hua

              ...isliye aajkal wo twitter par 'kuch luv jaisa' lagne waala kuch-kuch maang rahe hain-

                 kuch na dikhne wali shefaliyon se or kuch-kuch apni si lagne wali saaliyon se

                              ================

    delhi-belly ka  dkbose ashlil maana gaya-kyunki continuation mein  yah gaana gaali deta hai

              ...chalo isi bahaane mahilayon ko wo gaaliyan seekhne ko mil rahin hain-jinhe sirf mard log

                 hi dete the-aane wale samay mein sabhi mard hi dk bose  kahlayenge-kyunki sabhi

                 mossiyan or mahilayen unki shaan mein yahi gaana  jo gayengi-Thanks Abhinay

                              ================

     'satte pe satta' ke remake mein madhuri ji hema ji ki jagah lengi

             ...my god-is baar saat ki jagah saath crore[youth] ullu ke pathe/gadhe unke isharon par

      dance karna sekhenge or ladkiyan pataana bhi-remember-jhuka ke sir ko bolo-madam-I like u                                                              

                           =================

     'love,sex or dhokha' ki heroine ka naam koi nahin jaanta

        ...naam kon dekhta hai jab itne saste daam mein itni badiya talking-doll mile-fully disposable

Fwd: Narinder Nagpal proposal

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: narinder nagpal <ennagpal@gmail.com>
Date: Wed, Jun 29, 2011 at 3:48 PM
Subject: Narinder Nagpal proposal
To: sandhyariaz.cel@gmail.com


Mam
 This is with ref.to our talks held earlier I hereby mail you a serial proposal- not comic but touchy this time.
 After a month long search and reading I have found an out and out  subject based on the women based stories penned up by one of our legendary writer Munshi Premchand.
 There are about 100 stories in which different women characters are portrayed as:
              ---Women as true beloved
              ---Women as dedicated wife
              ---Women as widow
              ---Women as inspirator
              ---Women as exploited and neglected
              ---Women in the  greed of money and ornaments
              ---Women leaning towards prostitution
              ---Women as a failure and many other different shades

 All of these stories can be represented as 'as it is',semi-modified or fully-modified mode as per your suggestions. 
 Look at the suggested title and some of their stories themes.
               Munshi Premchand ke naari-pradhaan charitron par adhaarit

                                  YE BECHAARI---TITLIYAN

                                                                     .....jo deti kewal rass thi-par peeti sirf----vish thi

  Nirvaasan mein naayika kho jaane par touts ke haath pad jaati hai or waapis lotne par pati use apnaata nahin,
  Shoodra or ijjat ka khoon mein naayikayen buri orton ke kaaran patit hokar vaishyavriti ki or unmukh hoti hain.
  Narak ka maarg ki nayika badi umar kepati dwara shak ki nigaah se dekhi jaati hai or vidhwa hone par khushi mahsoos
  karti hai.
  Do kabren ki naayika pati dwara patnitwa na pradaan kiye jaane par suicide karti hai.
  Laanchan ki devi apne sondarya ki jhhothi prashansa paane ki khatir patit hoti hai.
  actress ki taara ko uska katu prem bajaaru bana deta hai

  Along with  baalak,bahishkaar,jaadu,kaamna taru,dhokha and about 100 more stories are in pipeline 

Fwd: One Page Comedies

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: narinder nagpal <ennagpal@gmail.com>
Date: Sun, May 8, 2011 at 9:41 PM
Subject: One Page Comedies
To: tanuj.nagpal3@gmail.com


                                                                         One Page Comedies

       [Character appears as raavan with 6 faces in the court of a reporter]

Rep-- Raavan ji main janta ki taraf se prashan poochta hoon aapse-baaki muunh kahan gaye aapke

Ravn- Bus mein chadte samay chinn-bhinn ho gaye -arthaat toott gaye-hamen samajh nahin aati-itna virat vishaal vikraal waahan or naam rakha hai- kewal bus

Rep-- shriman wo kisi kewal-vewal ki bus nahin hai-use sirf bus kehte hain- mumbai ki bhaasha mein fakat bus-angreji mein only bus or sanskrit mein...

Ravn- Bus bus

Rep-- Yes yes now u got the bus point-anyhow 6 munh hai aapke-baaki 4 kaise chinnbhinn hue

Ravn- Dhai munh to ye aapki itni jara si[shows small finger] bus ke pravesh dwaar se urdhwagaman arthaat chadte hue or derh munh nimnawartan arthaat utarte hue chinnbhinn ho gaye...or to or log hamein raavan kehna bhool gaye hain...abhi hum aa rahe the to log kah rahe the ...wo dekho chakka...kya hum mukh se chakka nat=jar aate hain

Rep--ghabraiye nahin aapko bhi  chakka usi  wajah se kaha gaya hai jis wajah se unhe kaha jaata hai-tu munh pe mat le yaar

Ravn- Theek hai-to nahin lete

Rep- -By the way india kis liye aana hua

Ravn- Aap to jaante hain ab lanka mein to hamaari ffffatti hai/chalti nahin ...wahaan litte[LTTE] walon ne apni lanka bana li hai-humne bhi socha kyon na yahin ghar basaa le-isliye hum shanti ki khoj mein aaye hain -par yahan to usne apna naam madira deti rakh liya-Batayiye saalon pehle doordarshan mein apna pitaa dhoond rahi thi aaj hum baap ban kar aaye..to logon ko madira deti fir rahi hain ...ghor kalyug

Rep-- Ab jahan aap honge wahan ghor kalyug to hona hi hai -waise unka asli naam mandira bedi hai-madira deti nahin...By the way ab aap kya karenge

Ravn--Ab hum mukti ko dhoondege-wo bhi suna hai dance show kar rahi hain...ghor kalyug aagaya hai-shanti daaru bech rahi..mukti mujra farma rahi hai...manushya dhoonde to kise dhoonde

Rep-- By the way aap manushya kahan se hain ..na yahan se na wahan se hain

                                                                                              Can be contd...

                                                                           Next

         [Character visits a bank 4 loan and talks with the bank's watchman]

Hero-- Sun -loan milega[he pulls from his collar and speaks in his ears]

wman- milega-kyon nahin milega-jisko b loan chahiye usko aaj talak to  mila nahin-pan tere ko jaroor milega-tu ooper wale ko de ke jo aaya-----application....waise kai ke ke waste chahiye loan

Hero-- Are yaar mera na kutta mar gaya hai--kirya karam karna hai uska

wman- Aain! kutta ka kirya karam!-ama yaar mitti nikaal-kootta daal- fir mitti daal-khallas....loan kaike waste re

Hero-- ama yaar tu nahin samjega-challees kilo haddi leni hai or bees kilo rui[cotton]

wman-- kaiko

hero-- amayaar kutte ki biraadri bhai bahin aaye rahin--pakistan ki koota mandi se bhi chaar trains bhar ke nikle rahin-sabhi mere ghar ko rone ke waste aaye rahin -mohalle mean charan taraf kooota hi koota najar aaye rahin-saalon ko haddi daalo fir bhi bhonkte hain

wman-- kaiko

hero--  Main samajta bhookey hain-to haddi daalta ki abhi chuup ho jayenge-par fir bhonkne baith jaate.tabi main samaj jaata ki marre hue kutte ki yaad mein ro-ro ke bhonk rahe -but ab problem ye ho gayi hai ki maloom hi nahin padta ki kitne  bhook ki wajah se bhonk rahen hain or kitne maatam ki wajah se

wman--ooper se chaar train or aa rahi hain

Hero haami bharta hai

wman-- bade kutte hain saale kutte-par rui kaiko-wo bi bees kilo

hero-- -ama yaar meri biraadri wale bhi to afsos karne aaye rahe-saalon ko kaan band karne ke liye rui deta hoon-ear bud ki tarah use karke do-do minute mein kaan se bahar thookte hain-kuch usi ko haajme ki goli samaj ke nigal jaate-or kuch to uski batti banakar apni kabji theek kar rahen hain

wman-- sachi rui ka itna rush to maternity ward ke bahar bi na hoyenga jitna tere ghar ke bahar laga hoyenga

                                                                                                                               can be contd...

                                                                                Next

                         [character gives an interview]

Rep--- Raju ji aapko mumbai aaye itna samay ho gaya-aaj kuch public se share kijiye

raju--- Bada hi majedar saharwa hai ee mumbaiwa-suru mein hum ek din kisise poocha ki bhaiya andheri west jaana hi-to wo tapaak se bola-rail ticket hai tumhaare paas-hum bola hammka bus se jaana hah-to wo bola tumka bus se jaana hai oo hum jaanta hai-pan rail ticket aapke paas hoyenga to main aapko rail-pul se jaane ka aasan short cut batayega-rail ticket nahin hoga to main tumko bade pul ka long-cut raasta batayega -nahin to tum pakda jayega

     Baad mean humka pata chala ki rail pul paar karne ke waste hamre paas railticket hona jaroori

Rep-- Aapko yahan khaane peene ki koi dikkat to na hui

raju--peene ki -no dikkat-jagahjagah bar hi bar -parr chai peene ki ghani dikkat-surusuru hum ek jagah chai peene baithe-likha tha -chai anarkali10 rupaya,cutting 5rupaya,chai mugleaajam 13 rupaya-hamaar khopadiya ghhoom gayi sasuria-yo mugleaajam or annarkali ke beech kon nai baitha paanch rupaya mein baal kaat raha hai or kahan ke baal kaat raha hai- baad mein hamka maloom pada thodi si jo peenee ho to 5rupayya....thodi or jo leni ho to 10rupayya...or shahanshah ji so leni ho to 13 rupayaa

Rep-- yahan khaane mein aapne kya pakaaya

raju-- khaane mein hum kya pakaaya..khaana humko khoob pakaaya --surusuru mean hum ek hotel waale se poochan rahin -bhaiya seeda saada daal chapaati kahin milta hai-wo bola-hariprasad ka naam suna hai -suna kya hum to dekhen bhi rahin usko-oo saala sadma mein siri devi ka kutta rahin-oo saala humkka daal chawal khilaye rahin-itta bada hot dog ho gaya kuttarya--jaa bhaiya maaf kar-ye main nahin hotel wala haath jodkar bola mere koo--main fir ek hotel mein ghusa,poocha khaane ko kyakya...wo bola sir vada paav,paav bhajiya,paav bhurji...usne or bi bahut paav paav kiya to main poocha ae bina paanv ke kuchh nahin tere paas..ae saab bina paanv koi jindagi saali..aadmi na khada ho sakta na kar sakta  -ya saala to apun ka bi baap pakau hai ae ja na tu sir vada paav le aa--sir main aapko bola sir- baad mein aap kahin mere koo  bolo ki paanv ke saath sir to hai hi nahin..ab ja bhi-le mera sir saath le ja-wo gaya or main socha haathi ka sa koi bada sa paanv hoga lagta hai agle 8-10 din kuch khaana na padega-jab wo aaya or laaya to main besan ke ande  par aatte ka peda dekh kar dang rah gaya ..obhai aisa peda to hamaare yahaan gaiyaan khaati..wo gaya to main  usko uthaya or dabaaya to bada naram naram paaya. Pata nahin khaane ka hai ya dabaane ka..ya dabaate dabaate khane ka hai ya khate khate dabaane ka hai 

Rep-- Mumbai ki sabse achi baat kya lagi aapko

Raju-- Every thing neat and clean-systematic-no smoking,no spitting,no pissing...kisi se bi hindi angreji mein kuch poocho to wo dheere se marathi-madrasi mein kaan  mein hawa karta nikal jaata...public toilets kahin najar nahin aate..sach poochiye main bi ab apne outlet par bottle taangkar nikalta hai ki kahin ...dhaar aa na jaye[kahin pyaar ho na jaye tone]

                                                                  Next

          [This is an Akbar Birbal Comedy with some below belt punches.Akbar invites some well known legends from mythology,history and some from this era.To avoid any controversy it can be shown as a dream seen by a Khyali Ram who is used to see the dreams.Akbar pronouns sometimes wrong while Birbal rectifies him.Names can also be changed ]

   [Akbar and Birbal are roaming in darbaar suddenly anarkali[Bharti] appears]

ab==aapki tareekh

bb==tareef-[birbalrectifies]

ak==hillehillahi-kaneej ko anarkali kehte hain

ab==khabardaar jo jhooth bola to- hum achi tarah jaante hain ki mardaana kameej ko kameej kehte hain or janaana kameej ko to shammeez kehte hain

bb==jilleelahi-ladki kaneej kah rahi hai -kaneej bole to daasi

ab==daasi hai to itni udaasi kyon bhheedmal

bb==maharaj mera naam birbal hai kripya hamen bheed ka mall na banaye-kasam se boo aane lagti hain

ab==wo to hamen bhi aa rahi hai--kon sa itra lagaya ladki

ak==ji tel lagaaya-saande ka-soonghege ya chatenge

ab==wo sab-shadi ke baad-waise naam kya hai tumhara

ak==abhi to bataya-anaarkali

ab==majaak karti ho -kali kahan se dikhti ho-are tum to poora  anaar ho annar

ak==kshama kijiye...aap bhi akbar kahin se nahin dikhte..aap bhi poora jhaad hain jhaad

ab==londiya-jabaan sambhal apni

ak==ji meri to munh ke andar hi hai-aapki ghutnon tak latki padi hai---------mujhe dekhkar

ab==birbal chokri chahti kya hai-pata nahin kuch dene aai hai ki lene...pooocho jara poocho ise kya hua hai

ak==rajaji tumse dil lagaane ki sajaa hai[she dances]

ab==to fir kaho na ...pyaar hai

ak==kaha na pyaar hai...par rajaji aap kaise samajh gaye ki ham shahjada salim se pyaar karte hain

ab==are hhum to songa rahe the aapne dispose kar diya 

bb==purpose kar diya 

ak==hillehillahi main aapko nahin salim ko purpose kar rahi thi

ab==to fir use karo hamaare sang ye saambha nritya kis khushi main

ak==wo isliye kyonki bete se pehle baapu pataana jaroori

ab==aisa kya..to fir pataopatao...aao bheedmal...

bb==chee...ooooo

ab==tum bhi aao patao ladki aaj tum hamen khoob patao

ak==pata to liya..dekhiye aap kitne khush najar aa rahen hain..pahle ghutnon tak jeebh nikal rahi thi ab eidi tak raal tapak rahi hai

[Akbar observes his saliva dropping down.Suddenly Salim[khayali]appears]

sm==kya raha anara

ak==gupta mat bolna..khabardaar jo annara gupta bola to..nahin to main nahin to main..

sm==nahin to kya

ak==...maharaj ko bhi saath mein set kar loongi

sm== to karo na..karo na baap hai

ab== khaamosh------------- hone ki jaroorat nahin hai[akbar dances with ak]karo karo set karo hamen..karo na baap hain..kaho na pyaar hai

ak==Hillahilahi-[ak looks into ab eyes]aap to sach mein line maarne lage..maine aisa to nahin kaha tha

sm==maine bhi aisa nahin  kaha tha

ab==par ab maine kah diya na-kah diya[amitab style]..waise bhi kya rakha haiis sookhey thoonth mein-socho log tumhaari jodi ko kya naam denge...anaarekhyali..or hamaari jodi ko

ak== or hamaari jodi ko

ab==AnnareAkbars

ak==o realy-u mean dhoja bai ki chutti

ab==offcourt....

bb==ofcourse

ab==....Rani dhoja bai ab dhona bhool gain hain ...bengan banaati hain par dhoti tak nahin..maloom hai[ab whispers]us din hamne banana diya -boley dho do

ak==shit..banana koi dhota hai

ab== bhai keechad mein gir gaya tha ..dhoyenge nahin to kya aise hi d..

ak==samajh gai sab smajh gai aap dhoyege nahin to aise thodi na d...

ab==dakaar jayege aaaaa..hum koi dangar  hain

sm==zalliludeen[all of a sudden salim screams and blows a shankh]...pooooon....

ak==lo isne to jang ched di

ab ==tum chup raho ab ham shekhu ko set karte hain...waise tum to set ho na ab

ak==fully-automatic

sm==jahanpaanaah ke bachey aaj aapko duniya se fanaa na kar diya to...

ab==to duniya hamen jahanfanaa kehne lagegi

sm==itne burey din aa gaye hamaare ki hamaare  ration card par  ab pyaaj aap lootenge...poooon

ab==shaant-shekhu shhant

sm==shekhu kabhi shant baith sakta - wo to gag ke beech mein bhi  mokka dhoondta ki kab artist logon ke munh mein belan daale...poooooon

ab== bhompu band karo ab..saari gas nikal jayegi

  [sm puts off his shankh and controls his breath]

ab==beta salim kya aapne kabhi anaarkali ko dekha hai

sm==achi tarah

ab==dhyan se dekha hai

sm==tabhi to shaadi kar raha hoon

ab==bachey..wajan dekh iska..dekh kitni bhaari hai 

sm==ab bharti hai to bhaari to hogi hi na...samjha[he thinks] kahin aisa to nahin itna wajni maal aapko apne liye jyada suitable lag raha hai

   [ab conceals his feelings]

ab== beta jindagi nein insaan kuch faisle itne bhaari le leta hai ki pehli hi raat mein saari khumaari  nikal jaati hai

sm==aaap kahna kya chahte hain..mujhe aapki neeyat bad se badnaam hoti najar aa rahi hai...pata nahin kyon mashooka maan banti najar aa rahi hai

ab==ddddil pe mat le yaar ...ddddooor ki soch

sm==aap jitni door ki nahin soch sakta main,,,pehli najar mein hone waali bahu set kar li aapne..are..had kar di aapnehad kar di aapne[song]

ab==tereliye ..teriliye..hum hain jiye[veerjaara song]

sm==nana..bapu please..ab senti goli or na de..hum jaante aap hamen kattai pyaar nahin karte

ab==ham tumhe chahte hai itna marne waala koi...

sm==khabardarkhabardaar..poooooon..jo agli senti-dose di aapne to

ab== beta salim raham kar...maan bana le beta..anarkali ji ko apni maan....

sm== pooooon

ab==itna pooonpoon mat kar beta

sm==poo

ak==shekhu-hilleelahi theek kahte hain..shaadi oonch neech ka khel hai..ups and down ki game hai ..socho jab tum upside down rahoge to mujhe pata na padega..jab main upload hui to ..tumhaara pata na chalega...haan salim haan tum mar bhi sakteho

sm== tum bhi...bewafa nikli anarkali..saari umar daana hum daalte rahe or ghaas baapu charega

ab== aise thodi na kehte..ghaasghaas par najar rakhta boss

sm==ye baat to aise kya waise bhi nahin kehte..chod gayi balli mujhe hai akela chod gayi[salim turns and moves]

ab==na ja kahin ab na ja

sm== hnn..dekh liya koi hamse pyaar nahin karta

ab== na beta na ..beta baap ke dil ka wo tukda hota hai jo uske seene se baahar dhadkta hai

sm== khabardaar jo or senti kiya aapne..hum sab jaante..tum puraani duniya ke ghisse hue log kaise bahlaate  apne bachon ko..maano hamaara dil hamaara dil nahin..aapka hindustan ho jahan har saans ke baad agli saans ko bhi nikalane ke liye ijajat leni padti hai aapse

ab==lagta hai aap bhool gaye ki kitni mushkilon ke baad hamne tumhe paaya hai...

sm== hmmm

ab== ...humne poorey 11 mahinon ki pad yatra ki thi.wo bhi  nange paanv...pooch lo us naansen se

bb== Taansen se

ab== poorey raaste wo hamaare kaan khata aaya tha..usne gaana bhi gaaya tha nange nange pairi maiyya akbar aaya..chhaale pad gaye the hamaare paanv mein pata hai...

sm==pata hai pata hai...sirf maata ke darbaar mein aap nange paanv gaye the...warna poorey raaste to aap haathi par hi baithe rahe the

ab == to kya haathi nange paanv  nahin the ..bhheedmal samjhao isko..kaise shak ki nigahon se dekh raha hai...

bb== ab 11 mahinon kiaap yatra pe rahenge..peeche se shekhu paida ho  jayega..to shak ki nigaahon se to dekhna banta hai na uska 

ab==arre! tum bhi to iski delivery ke wakt yahin the..batao to isko jab ham yatra se lotte the to ye nanha salim kaise dhul raha tha raani dhoja bai ki baahon mein...yaad hai tumhe wo scene..raani ji ki jaangho par leta tha ye nangoo..wo iski peeth pe sabun ghisti thi..phir sotte/thaapi se peetti thi..phir ulta seedha  patak patak kar iski saari jhaag nikaalti thi..or aakhir mein nichodkar..

bb== bas kijiye maharaj-bacha hai aapka-kachcha nahin

sm== poooon..abbu jaan bahut dhoya aapne mujhe..or mera yakeen kijiye..aapko bhi wahin jung ke maidaan mein dhoya bhi jayega or nichoda bhi jayega...pooon

    [salim turns and moves]

ab ==vijay[dilip kumar's scream-Shakti]

ak== O mere laal aaja 

                                                               00000000000000000000000000000000

bb==yah achi baat nahin hai-dil tod diya bachey ka..ab dekhiyega wo aapko todega

ab==parwaah nahin...hooon..tum kya jaano baap apne mootra..

bb== putra

ab== ....ke liye kyakya kurbaani  de sakta hai

bb==kurbaani kya di aapne..balki uski to janaani chheen li aapne

ab==tum nahin samjoge..tabhi to bhagwaan ne aapko koi mootra...

bb==putra putra

ab==...nahin diya..do u know  size always matter...kyun maharani

ak== yah sir..size always matters..but it never mattered me..sachi I shapath

ab== ye to or bhi acha hai ab jab hamaari olaad hogi to wakai folaad hogi..kyun raani

ak== ji hillehillahi-khayali ko bhi fakhra hoga ki uska sequel bhai khali  aaya hai...main bhi gaana gayegi..mere ghar aai ik nanha khali..saandni ke hasin rath pe sawaar

          [suddenly jodha appears]

jb== kya ho raha hai yahan

ak==kkkkuch nahin kuch nahin ..ham to bus peeractis

bb==practice

ab== ....kar rahe the naach india naach ki

jb== dekh rahi hoon bahut par nikal aaye hain aapke..bahu par bhi dorre daalne lage

ak==jjji saasu maan..bahut kameenay kism ke log hote hain jahaan mein..nigaahen rakhte hain kahin pe or nishaana rakhte hain yahanwahan pe

ab== Anarkallioooooooooo

jb== jyada gala mat phado..ikloti awaaj wali nalki bachi hai..wo bhi phusphusa gayi to or problem khadi ho jayegi ...shart lagi thi isme or mujhme...main kahti thi mera suhaag thoda yeda hai -par mera hai..wo kisi or ke chakkar mein pad hi nhi sakta..par ye kahti thi har mard kabhi bhi fisal sakta hai..or aap fisley  ab main aapke saath nahin rah sakti

ab== Matlab hanaare itne saare santre,itne saare karwachoth -sab bekaar gaye

jb== wo to aaj samajh aaya ki tum santre lagaakar parai orton ko taadne jaate the..ya allah kitni nadaan thi main jo yahi samajhti thi ki mera pati mere pyaar mein mere liye karwachoth ke vrat rakhta hai or orat bankar orton mein pooja karne bhi jaata hai

Fwd: Serial project-Narinder Nagpal

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: narinder nagpal <ennagpal@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, May 13, 2011 at 4:58 PM
Subject: Serial project-Narinder Nagpal
To: sandhyariaz.cel@gmail.com

SIR/.MADAM

As per the discussions/conversation held earlier,I am mailing this project for your kind consideration.

                                                                       Namooney/Kartoons.com...

is the story of a family where all the members are used to making or creating fun for each other.They have an unique slogan-

                               Hum apne liye nahin ,logon ke liye sapne dekhte hain 

                               kyonki Hamara sapna hai ki logo ke sapne saakaar hon

               As every body has some unfilled dreams, they do have too,but to live happily their one line  mahamantra is...  

                               Na fikr na faaka...subah sham hansi-thahaaka

Late laala shri Vishnu Prasad Khanna took the promise from each family member to create the humour and make the others smiley at their best.Since he had seen so many scarcity in life ,thus lived like a hell.

Accordong to him,if u are able to make people laugh then worries will automatically run away from u. On the other hand,it enables u to counter your scarcities.

In nutshell, if there is no tension,then there is no depression,no stress,no frustation.And in such condition,Does a problem stay in a house ?Definetely, it would not and then  never. 

This serial also depicts some Khannas VS Khans  funny-cum-eye opening situations to enhance our  national integrity and brotherhood.

At last ,this is our honest attempt to imbibe the people to live with the laughter and to create and find  the laughter which is somewhere hidden or burried in theirselves because of target based responsibilities.

                                                                 CHARACTERS-SKETCH

PADMA KHANNA; [age35-40 yrs.] is a keen follower of legendary dancer Helen since her own name belongs to veteran dancer Padma Khanna.She is totally dedicated to her joint family but most of the time she cooks/makes very very special dishes not deliberately but accidentally.For example,In rose milk shake, she mixes red hair oil-thanda thanda cool cool.In bharvan teendays she puts amla instead of teendas.On Helen songs ,she leaves all in-hand jobs and starts dancing.

TITLI KHANNA;[age25-30yrs.] is a huge bharti like character.She does not know english yet runs an english speaking coaching centre,Most of the times,she uses eng. verbs in hindi sentences like 'main to sprint-queen PT Usha banna chaahti thi par papa ne sprintne hi na  diya,boley, swimo to maine swimmna shuru kar diya.

KINKI KHANNA; [age 8-10yrs] ,son of Titli,very naughty, always appears in a bandage/plaster or with some other medical-aid.He is a genius but loves to be called 'Ullu no. 1 ji main Ullu no.1

SITARAMKHANNA;[age25-32yrs.] Titli's husband,loves to be called SRK as he is well inspired by his movie Baadshah.He had a dream to become a famous detective but right now running a factory where coffins and kathis are made for the deads.He has some lucrative schemes like 'buy 1 get three free' and convincing banks to grant some loan.

TOTARAMKHANNA;[age35-42yrs.] Padma's husband,loves to be called The Chillar King,since he is fond of 'khulla paisa'.He has a well established business in Banaras where his sea- divers[read as ganges divers] jumps into the ganga and collect the chillar,thrown by the devotees.

CHINTAMANIKHANNA;[age50-55yrs.], The saasu maa,loves to be called CM,and still loving lata shri Guru Dutt ji-the famous Pyaassa saab

KHYALIKHANNA[age15-20 yrs.],Delivered by CM at last,used to dream differently.Sometimes he dreams Raavan with Big B or sequel of sholay.Many times he forgets his basic body functions.For instance,sitting on a comode but forgets to deliver.Yet he considers himself as  Mr.Perfectionist.

SATPALKHANNA[age60] ;The baap of all,considers himself as wrestler Satpal as he is deputed in a shamshaan as a chokidaar.The common thing between the two is the common wall between the Satpals akhaara and his shamshaan.He is used to give a wakeup call to all the deadbodies--Jaagte Raho

                                                           SOME FUNNY SEQUENCES

PK==jaa lasoodey, ketli ko chai de kar aa

Kinki=Tai-khabardaar jo mummy ko ketli bola to-say-tittttli--tittli khanna

pk==Are!titli to wo tab bhi na thi -jab taaji taaji is ghar mein dulhan ban kar aai thi-uske baad to tu damru paida ho gaya

-ab ek or aane waala hai-  ab main teri  mummy ko bolegi-Tunkee-tanky khanna

                                                              000000

TK==hoo say i does not know english-agar aisa happens to itni badi colony mein main english speaking-talking-coaching-teaching entercourse challati-o my bhagwaan  Helen ne chai mein haldi daal di-aander baby hai -kahin sab dakaar gaya to-ab main kya karoon-rahoon seedhi ya ulti hoanu[song]

SRK=Titli hurry up sheershaasan karo-saari chai baahar aa jayegi

KINKI=Kahin bhai baahar aa gaya to-bahan bhi ho sakti hai -may be maybe -kuch bhi ho sakta hai

TK== sir sir[she calls to her boss]main aaj school teachne na aa paoongi-yahan mahabharat worldwar 3 ki pooripoori hopes hain hopes-you lookna-helen ko din mein starein na lookwa di to-mera bhi naam mrs. shrimati makhan fly khanna nahin ..

                                                               000000

Cm==ari o helen-kya laga diya mere pairon mein-dekh kitni chheentiyan chipki padi hain

pk==Daiya daiya daiya re-maine maan ke pairon mein gullab sharbat ki maalish kar di-ab teri khair nahin helen-dhichkyaun..dhichkyaun

                                                               000000

SRK==paaye lagoon bhabhi

pk===chupp dewar!khabardaar jo fir kabhi 'paaye lagoon' bola to-wo kya hai na sindhi-multani mein na paaye ko na pati kahte hain-arthaat piya -more piya..ab aa ja..mere piya... mosam ne li angdaai

srk==par haidrabaadi mein paaye ko na kharode kahte hain arthaat ankles-samjhi meri twinkle 

                                                                000000

                                                                 Khyali Dreams[ SHOLAY SEQUEL]

  [Veeru jai ki jalti chitta dekh kar ro raha hai ki usse kisi ke karhaane ki aaawaj aati hai-wo uthkar aawaj ki disha mein jaata hai]

  vr==Jai!jai tu jinda hai mere yaar-he bhagwaan main to tujhe lakdiyon mein rakhna hi bhool gaya-sorry yaar-chal uth ,main tujhe baahon mein uthaakar abhi chitta maen

jai=== tu jaa fasanti ko bacha-aajkal hangal line maar raha hai-chitta main khudh chad lega

                                                                000000

jai== radha ji aap har baar itni safed saariyan kahan se  laati hain

rdha==wo na saariyon ka showroom khola tha babuji ne-I mean sippy saab ne-vidhwaon ke liye-par chala nahin--hnhn-pit gaya-bus wahi saariyan kaam aa rahi hain-gaon ki saari kwariyan yahi apna rahi hain

jai==or apun ko saala-dhai saal tak -ek hi uniform-saala underwear aisa huela jaise ubble aaloo ke chhilke dobaara ubaala main-haath lagao to sticker ki tarah utarta saala-baniyan dekho to jaisa geela newspaper pahna main-saara news print body pe chapela maloom-akha news bulletin body pe padtha main -malloom-hain! ye koi jindagi saala-aanderbaahar aaju baaju se baas maarta gandagi saala-m..

rdha==maloom maloom

                                                                      000000

mosi==hai hai ye hangal tanki pe kaise chad gaya

gaonwale=humne chadaya mosi-haan kar do mosi-sannata tumse shaadi karna chaahta hai

hungle=kill kar loonga-jump le loonga -gaonwaalo goodbye ke baad susaat saalon-ye jo mosi hai na-ye hamse na fasanti-therefore main jawaanti-and when main jawanti budiya gowanti jail and chakki peesani  peesanti and main tab tak na utranti jab tak mosi love marriage ke liye haan na bolanti

raamu=haan kar do mosi-londa tumhaara haath maang  raha hai

mosi== hai hai kaise haan kar doon raamu verma-haan to maine thakur  ko kar di

hungle=wo toonda-mosi tu us bina haath waale se shaadi karegi-fir uske baad wo kya karega or tu kya karegi

mosi== dil se mile ho dil-to haathon ka kya kaam-waise wo haath lagwaane dilli gaye hain-yahan aakar nai ki dukaan bhi kholenge

hungle==kill kar loo..

mosi===tu niche uttar khangad-tera saara sannata na utaara to...

fasanti=unk...mosi haan kar do -nahin to ek mossa or  kam ho jayega

mosi===jyadi badbad na kari- toone kya mosse ke samose  banaane hain jo ghutnon tak raal tapake rahi 

NOTE==All words,contents, sentences,characters etc.are subject to change as per the guidelines and instructions of the concerned production house